hard(er)

I've been feeling heavy this week. Objectively, I don't have a reason other than the general hardness of life. For a while there I think maybe I thought life was easy, but it's really not. Not for anyone.

It's hard whether you're working or parenting or both or neither. We all carry so much, and we're all so often oblivious to what everyone else is carrying and we separate so much easier than we join together. We unintentionally divide ourselves, and we are intentionally divided by others. And it's exhausting, it really is, to have to explain ourselves or explain other people or try to understand or even to just take in the confusion.

I'm so tired of the 'who has it harder'. The 'I can top that'. So tired of the ways in which we take what someone else says or does or experiences and we make it about ourselves. The way we take what someone says in validation of their own experience, and we make it about invalidating ourselves. The way we try to invalidate someone else's experience in order to validate our own.

Guess what. It's not about us.

We are all trying the best we can, and we all carry these invisible weights and wear scars hidden under our sleeves and collars and wouldn't it just be so much nicer if we could all a.)lighten up, b.)cut each other some slack, and c.)just let it go? Just let go of that feeling of being offended or attacked or demeaned? The feeling of self-righteousness or righteous indignation?

Because life is hard enough without having to deal with the bullshit.

It's Mother's Day tomorrow. All I want to do is spend the day with my kids and my husband. I am tempted to couch that with caveats and explanations to make sure that those moms out there who just want a break from their kids on Mother's Day don't feel defensive or the need to explain themselves for not wanting to be with their kids. But I'm not going to explain anything, and you don't have to either.

We are all just doing the best we can. We need to remember that.

I need to remember that.