If I were really a blogger...
>> Friday, July 8, 2011
...I would be writing about
- how I am flying solo through the boystorm this weekend while John's in Door County teaching people how to kayak. I'm taking all 3 boys to Cars 2 in a couple hours, and while I'm excited and think it will be fun, I'm conflicted about how I've caved my principles between Child #1 and Child #3. Really? I am taking my two and half year old to see a movie with cartoon vehicles shooting and bombing each other? Wait, he's seen Kung Fu Panda and knows all the characters in Star Wars? Oh. Crap.
- how the boys and I will meet John up north on Sunday for four days of camping at the same state park at which I grew up camping with my own parents and sisters. How much better of a place I'm in mentally and emotionally than I was last year at this time, how grateful I am for that.
- how I am struggling with weaning my littlest (he's 31 months old, I just realized I've been telling people he's 28 months. How did that happen?). It's been a gradual process because he loves nursing so much, and I had it down to just the early-morning-back-to-sleep moments, and then I tried to cut that out and boy-oh-boy it has been sucky. It's either a 5a.m. start to the day or a 5a.m. tantrum to nurse, with fights between tired parents and toddler a given. How long will this last? Is this my fault? Is he going to keep asking to nurse for months after I'm done? [Insert additional self-doubt and insecurities about decisions and methods here.] Add to that the guilt/feelings of failure of giving in a couple times, and you've got yourself [I've got myself] a mess.
- how the transition to working full-time with John at home full-time is going. This one is loaded. Overall positive, but I won't lie. There's a whole host of things this transition has stirred up for me. Mother-wise, wife-wise, kid-wise, career-wise, does-this-mean-we're-done-having-babies-wise. This could be a 2,000 word essay. Or a freaking book.
- how lately I feel simultaneously apologetic for my boys behavior and defensive/protective of them when confronted with [my perceptions of] other people's perceptions of them. Three boys is a very different dynamic than two. Or than three girls. Our a combo of boys and girls. It really is, and I have to say only those with three boys really truly get what I'm saying here, and I walk that tightrope between letting them be who they are, expend their energy, test their physical and behavioral limits, yet teaching them to respect themselves, others, property, and societal expectations.
- how I've finally decided to do something about these extra 15lbs of "baby weight". I have a closet full of clothes that don't fit and I'm supremely out of shape. I don't want to jinx it, but I've started something I always thought I hated, and it turns out I love it. It starts with an R and rhymes with FUN and thankfully I've found a program that's helping me stick to it.
- how a new tube of red lipstick can make a world of difference for girl's mood.
- how I find myself questioning my online writing/social media. I google the people I hire, I can count on the fact that people I work with and encounter professionally will stumble their way over here. I already made my facebook and twitter private, and I certainly don't share anything too personal here, but context is everything. I feel weird and a little vulnerable thinking about certain people 'overhearing' my online conversations with friends.
- how tired I am of being tired. Why am I so sleep-deprived if we don't have a newborn?
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- (Leaving those blank for the points I'm not even going to allude to out of respect for the privacy of my children/family. Nothing dramatic, just not anyone else's business.)
...but I'm not really very good at this whole blogging thing, so I'll just leave it at bullet points. Or maybe I should just leave this post as the permanent homepage for this blog. Anyway, thanks to my sweet friend for her advice to just start typing and see what comes rather than wait for the time and energy to come up with something that will be "worth reading".
18 comments:
Buns! Love it, love you. Totally "worth reading"!!
This *is* what blogging is, to me. Originally and stuff.
I stood in my kitchen yesterday dumbfounded DUMBFOUNDED I SAY at how to respond to my child's behavior. All in one thought I felt like I was being *too* gentle, I was failing my child no wait I'm way past failing, I don't know what I'm doing, shame on me because I should know by now, oh my goodness what kind of mother AM I? Also, basically, I just don't know how to do this.
I hate feeling like I *should* know.
So looking forward to seeing you in ONE MONTH.
Steph
Think you are plenty wonderful at blogging, my dear! I love whatever you share here and will always be reading. Have a wonderful time camping. xoxo
I agree. This is exactly what blogging is all about.
I should take this as a cue to do the same exact thing. And the stuff about three boys? Spot on, sister. You know it!
Xo
I feel for you... Virtual hugs going your way... I have two boys, and we've just weaned our 3 1/2yo... I had been saying I was going to do it for I don't know how long, and just kept putting it off. I finally stopped offering, and he eventually stopped asking... But he just had a tumble earlier on, and boy, did I miss being able to comfort him with some "mummy milk"!!!! I daily wonder if I am doing the right thing with them, or if I am forever messing it up with these two fabulous people that I have been entrusted with! Hope you find your rythm soon!
Perfection, in blogging terms. And in life terms, really. It's all up and down, back and forth. I hope that trip is wonderful ... although i suspect it's not going to help you catch up on your sleep.
Your rambles are what are going through my mind and thousands of other mommies' minds ALL THE TIME!! We don't always need a big drawn out story to read. Bullet points are we have time for sometimes! I have two boys (I know, not three) but I struggle with the same idea of boys will be boys or animals? Where is the middle happy place??? Yay for the R word - it will help, keep at it!
http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/
So, I'd love to read the elaborated version of those bullet points sometime because I've thought about a few more times than I can even count, especially the nursing and nursing and nursing and tantruming at 5:30 if there is no nursing. And ohmygoshmommyneedsatouchbreak! So, yes. I feel you. Have a fun time at Cars!
You know, I had an AHA! moment just this week in regards to my constant concern over whether I'm too-strict/too-gentle. I encountered it over at Paul Tripp's blog, if I remember correctly. But it is so helpful to see those moments not only as "obvious things I need to correct" but as "times when God is training me to respond to unexpected trouble by depending on him in my inadequacy ... and then to teach my kids to do the same." Well, maybe you should just read it. Hang on. I probably have the link somewhere... http://paultrippministries.blogspot.com/2011/07/parenting-joyful-impossibility-1-it-was_01.html Sorry if I'm intruding with a quick fix to a problem you don't even have. It's probably because I enjoyed this article so much, so hope you will find it encouraging too. Thank you for continuing to share your life.
I love this...I love how I can read a fellow mom's words on her blog and feel like someone understands me!! Haven't stopped by here in a while, but I'm glad I did (long time lurker!! :) I love the pictures of life you paint with your words. And if you figure out that weaning business...please share!! My little guy (boy #2) is NOT wanting to stop and I'm wondering how long he thinks we're going to do this...he's 22 months and still waking up at night.
Anyway, thanks for this :)
I'm the mother of four boys, so no explanations are needed. Don't apologize, either. I find that people are more accepting of boys' energy than they are of girls' outbursts and similar needs to get messy and experience life. Luckily, you don't live in MN, or you wouldn't be enjoying your state park weekend. March on!
You have an amazing amount of energy for everything you listed above! Also, let me know if you ever want to run together.
Hi, Elizabeth!
I know exactly what you mean about three boys, and only moms of three boys do understand. I try to tell people it's like molecules bumping against each other. One molecule? Not a big deal. Two? A little tougher. Three? Chaos. Three boys is far different from two boys or one boy. It just is. I should know -- I have had all three scenarios! LOL.
I also have been dropping baby weight -- in my case, 30 pounds of it so far, with about 15 to go, so I hear you loud and clear.
... aaaaand I am also in the "are we done?" camp. Sigh. No answers, just fellow questions.
Hang in there. I have been loving what you have been posting. My goal is to begin posting more. Life gets in the way of its own documentation sometimes.
"Mama" :)
i know it isn't exactly the same, but clark is a whole deal that involves me worrying and not knowing if i should correct him in public or let him be and choosing if i want to be judged for just letting him to do xyz (that other people watch with eyebrows raised and think they would be able to prevent, somehow, if it was their kid, and i tell you they absolutely would not if that kid was CLARK) or if i want to be judged for how i correct him. he draws attention. i've gotten better at just saying what i need to say to him and ignoring the public but the pit of the stomach feeling, ugh. i hate it. i am so glad you wrote it all out. :)
If I were I blogger I would figure out a way to cross the threshold I seem to be on , with respect to keeping up with other blogs and as you said, suddenly realizing that many of my in real life people read , including my children's friends , coaches, teachers etc. And now some of that family that I eluded to? Yeah. Them.
I'm stuck.
And three boys is it's very own crazy. Don't sweat the small stuff and all that. Honestly. I think you will feel much better about everything when the running endorphins kick in. I need them. Sometimes five women in the house is it's different but very emotional crazy!
those little spaces...with no words? i'm living there too right now. if you get on a plane, we could have coffee. just sayin. xoxo
i love you. and i am ok with b. points. Just keep telling me things. xo
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