the movement of my mind

(or disconnected ramblings at the end of a very long week.)

:: He's been doing this thing where he plugs his nose and says "I sound weird." It's really funny coming from a 20 month old. It's painfully obvious the kid has older brothers. He's a mimic, and he nails it every time. And it's horribly funny to hear a baby cracking jokes or tossing out phrases you'd expect on the school playground.

:: The two older boys - especially the almost-7-year-old, have become OBSESSED with Star Wars. And they've never actually seen the movies. (I'm still debating whether they're too violent for my boys at this age. Leaning towards showing my oldest the original trilogy....) I have, however, let them watch the little animated movies on the Lego Star Wars website and they can't get enough. Even the baby ends up sauntering up, watching for a minute and then pointing out "Yodtha! Yodtha! Yodtha cute." They also hear about it in great detail from their friends, many of whom have all the toys, the movies, et cetera. Today the boys and our beloved nanny picked me up from the bus stop because a thunder storm was threatening to crack open the sky at the precise time I get to my stop. They watched as I waited for traffic to clear before darting across the insanely busy (6-lane) road. When I hopped into the van and the rain drops started pelting the windshield, they told me, "Mom, if you were Asajj Ventress you could have gotten across the street easy." And then when we walk in the door, my 4 year old says, "Mama, if you were Asajj Ventress you would have to show your breasts." Me: eyebrows rise. Followed by almost-7-year-old: "Yeah, her bra must be too small or something." Oh, the perspectives of little boys on the cleavage of female bad-ass action heroes. Or villains. I really have no idea.

:: My 6 year old dog is really sick. I'm in tears about it. He was diagnosed with Lyme's disease over a month ago after I brought him in due to crazy stiffness and general living-in-pain-ness. A month of medication, and he still looks terrible. More tests. X-rays and even more tests coming Monday. I'm so sad about it. I know most people love their own dogs, but everyone loves Wilson. Even people who hate dogs love Wilson. He is 95 pounds of hairy coolness. He's the icon of our neighborhood. He's regal looking, chill as can be, but he rules the dog park and can catch a frisbee like nobody's business. At least that's who he used to be. I miss my dog. And I feel so bad for this big lump of an animal that's taken his place.

:: I am fending off the sick. All three boys had fevers and sore throats, swollen tonsils and overall miserableness for a week straight, one right after the other. I powered through on no sleep, like you do when you're a parent. But for the last two days I've been trying to ignore the pain that comes with swallowing, and I keep my distance from everyone else in the office. I can't afford to get sick right now. My deadline sways ominously overhead like a Looney Tunes anvil. Two.More.Weeks.

:: I am realizing how drastically I mis-characterized full-time, out of the home employment. I used to think, what's the point of having kids if you're never going to see them? Ahhh...but I do see my kids. And so do other working parents. Thankfully I was never obnoxious about it, so I don't really feel like I have words to eat. It's more of an eye opening. A good reminder that we really can't know someone else's situation until we're in it ourselves. So perhaps we should keep our bright ideas about what they're missing or how they ought to do things to ourselves, so it's only ourself that we have to face when we realize we didn't know shit about what we were talking about. Yes, I have less time with my boys than when I was home full time or part-time. But the time I do have with them is high quality. I'm fully there mentally, emotionally. I enjoy them. I enjoy watching them, talking with them, listening to them, snuggling them. It's good. My house has gone to hell and I haven't cooked in months, but my kids are doing great. I can't keep this up forever, I do miss them -- like many working parents do. But for now, it's working for us.

:: As busy as I am, I have so many ideas cooking, so many projects I'm starting or plotting on. I have a feeling that October is going to be my month. Things will slow down for me at work as we move from writing and editing into layout mode, and I anticipate a major decline in stress levels and an increase in creative energy. I can't wait to get started.