on motherhood and art and our former selves
>> Tuesday, June 8, 2010
"When would I write?" I asked. "I've been at work, or I've been with the kids. And don't say at night, because I know you know I don't have the energy for that."
"I get why you haven't been writing. I'm just saying you act like you've given it up for good, and that I don't get. What you need is time, but you seem to think it's something more than that. It's like you've bought into the idea that a mother can't also be an artist. Or shouldn't be."
"I just find it hard to go from breast milk and peekaboo and diapers to, you know, bigger things."
"But that's saying breast milk and peekaboo and diapers aren't bigger things, or don't represent bigger things, which seems like a very male point of view. A fixation on your mother is subject for literature, but actually being a mother isn't? Well, guess who set those rules? If obsessive interest in your own penis wins you the Pulitzer, then what's wrong with obsessive interest in your own breasts?"
"Are you writing about your breasts?"
"No, but I could," she said. She glanced down at them. "At this moment I can't think of what I would say."
- From Husband and Wife by Leah Stewart
I devoured Leah Stewart's novel, Husband and Wife this weekend. And while the plot is about (you guessed it) the relationship between a husband and wife and infidelity, the whole book really delves into the issue of losing or burying or hiding from the selves that we are before we become mothers. It's not just for artist-mothers, although the protagonist is a poet. I think the book will get every mother thinking about what parts of herself that made her her have been missing or disappearing since having children. I can't get enough thought or discussion on that topic.
Stumbling across this book so soon after being part of Greetings From Motherland was serendipitous. In time, I hope to share some of the artwork from our show, so stay tuned. If you haven't yet read it, I guest-posted at the GFM blog a few weeks ago on the experience of making art with a group of mothers of very young children. You can read it here.
If you haven't yet, go search out a copy of Mamaphonic - a collection of essays written by women who are "balancing motherhood and other creative acts." I read it about a year ago, and it inspired me to dive back into my creative writing again - my poetry, my fiction, as well as the type of essays I sporadically post here. I recommend it to everyone, and my friend Corinne actually just wrote about it recently on her blog.
Other must-reads on the topic:
I've said it before, but Brenda Ueland's If You Want to Write ("a book about art, independence and spirit") is a treasure that was thrust upon me by my friend Nancy (thanks Nancy!), and of course Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird is inspiring, and she'll give you the best advice on writing out there -- you can't write because you want to be published. You have to write because you love to write, because you must write or your head will explode. (I'm paraphrasing.)
We all have that creative spark flickering inside. Give it a little oxygen. These books will fan the flame.
16 comments:
i LOVE this post. i think about these things all the time. i just read a whole article which i can't remember about who or where damnit, but it was about a very famous (for a WRITER, anyway) female writer who writes only about the details of women's lives. and the article was about how she is doing what few are doing in this moment in time, writing the truth about that- which is what i strive to do every day on my blog.
love. this. post.
Thanks for the linky love! Did I tell you I have "if you want to write" in my stack of to reads? I'm like a well trained puppy and will read anything you tell me to :) loved bird by bird. Lovely post!
Other great writing books: Writing Down the Bones and Stephen King's On Writing.
I'm intrigued by these conversations, partly b/c my personal experience is so different. I married young (2 wks shy of 20!) and hadn't really formed much of a self before I had children (my first at age 25). For me, having children inspired my creativity. Somehow, becoming a mother and learning to stand up and protect my child translated into an ability to finally identify and stand up for what was important to me. To me, creativity and motherhood go hand-in-hand.
I've been starving for something like this- I'm devouring this post. Thank you for the recommendations!
Steph
I love how you say you can't get enough on this subject, because I'm right there with you. I could chat about this for hours and hours. And of course I'm not alone when I say it has been a struggle since the moment I conceived my first child - a struggle to define my new place in the world as mother. I haven't figured it out, and actually am coming to terms with the fact that I might never. I'm adding this book to my ever-growing reading list (because that's one part that has changed too!, no time to really read, consume lots of books like I used to). And thanks for this post, the food for thought and the ongoing sharing of ideas on this issue.
Jennifer, I think many (myself included) would agree with you that creativity and motherhood go hand in hand. I also married and had babies young, but in those early months (maybe even years?) of motherhood, I found myself consumed with motherhood and sort of wondering where the me who used to talk about and care about other interesting important things went. And all of my writing focused on those pieces that make up the landscape and culture of motherhood -- I think for a lot of people, it can feel hard to see that as art.
So much more to say on this, but I'm my work clothes with little boys tugging at my skirt and I have to run for now. :)
But thanks for chiming in...and I'm glad you mentioned Natalie Goldberg. She's another favorite, must-read.
-e.
Loved this post. We mothers begin to define ourselves so narrowly after a while, and we need to know we're so multi-layered.
Yes, fan the flame...and still know that it won't totally extinguish even if buried under all those layers. It will lay in waiting, glowing, waiting for that burst of air in the right season!
i love this post and will totally be reading Husband and Wife.
thank you.
Thank you for this wonderful list, Elizabeth. In some ways, my own impulse to write was born right after my kids were. Something about this moment in my life made me start thinking and expressing myself differently and feeling like, yes, writing things done lest my head explode. I can't wait to read some of the works you've suggested here, to learn more about the ways others have dealt with the interplay between art and motherhood.
Just - thank you.
I feel like I have found links of kindred souls here! Hope we can journey together.
I just bought Mamaphonic!
Steph
Thanks for the recommendations! I'm writing them down right now--it's an issue I really struggle with.
I loved Leah's book. I am not a mother, but the book truly captured what I think it might be like. She also captured the nutty world of marriage quite well.
I can't wait to read that. Thanks!
Love your blog. I can't wait to read more!
This is it. The topic of all topics for any mom walking that tightrope walk of mothering and creativity and staying in touch with the creative soul within while also honoring all that mothering is.....we need a conference on this topic ALONE.
Now do I have time to read those books you so awesomely suggested? Not so sure.
:-)
Post a Comment