Blur

I cannot believe the level of TIRED I'm operating from these days.

Last night was the first night in two weeks that we weren't up multiple times in the night with one of the three kids and their GI bugs. Changing blow-out diapers and racing kidlets to the bathroom in a semi-conscious state for thirteen days in row tends to result in Fuzzy Brain. And I will tell you, it's a lot easier for me to deal with Brain Fuzz when I can stay in my pajamas until noon, drinking coffee and playing legos (ok - let's be honest here - watching them play legos from my perch on the couch) than it is to catch my bus, gather my thoughts, and coherently lead or engage in a meeting without zoning out in the middle of someone's question or response.

So yeah, I've been tired and drinking far too much coffee since I started working again. But I'm loving my job, it's still feeling right, but I don't quite feel that we've (or I've?) settled into a new rhythm yet. Again - honestly? It is easier for me to leave home at home than it is for me to leave work at work. I struggle with setting these mental boundaries. And I feel a little guilt for not thinking about my kids while I'm at work.

I had a harder time leaving my firstborn six years ago when I was in grad school and working part-time than I do now. But in the meantime, I've had three and half years to be home full-time. I was ready to dip my toes back in, and I know this third baby of mine is a thumb-sucking (read: self-soothing), easy-going, crib-napping dreamboat who adores our babysitter and doesn't bat an eye at Mama leaving, as long as he has one or two of his big brothers around to maintain some normalcy. I step away knowing the boys are still with their family - they've got each other - and I'm able to leave guilt- and worry-free. (For now. It's only been four weeks. Heh.)

My biggest struggles are letting go of work when I get home or on my days at home, and not letting time turn into one of those moving sidewalks at the airport. I work so hard to live in the present moment, but this job has me picking up my pace and I've been finding myself in those 'where did the day go' moments that I try to avoid.

So how do you do it Mamas? Any tips for setting mental boundaries, for creating rhythm and balance as you dance from professional mama to professional whatever-it-is-you-do-for-pay? I think the key to enjoying my job and minimizing the guilt of leaving my kids is to be fully present wherever I am, but I'm struggling with it a bit.

I've already got the let-the-housework-go thing down*, but I'm all ears for other suggestions.

note the lego-textured flooring

Can't wait to hear what you have to say, so lay it on me. Thanks, friends.

*you know it's gotten bad when you only see three overflowing laundry baskets in the livingroom because the fourth one has been there for so long your brain now registers it as a piece of furniture. o'well. at least it's clean laundry.