aftertaste

Somehow as the hour grows closer to the time John walks through the door, I allow myself to become more and more impatient with the kids. I hold it together all day because I have to; it's no good for any of us when I'm tense and crabby and quick to yell. But as the minutes creep towards the promise of support, my Senior-itis kicks in and I think I don't have to do my homework because graduation is right around the corner.

I start snapping, sighing loudly, or checking facebook when I should be tending the herd. Once I head in this direction, it's a downward spiral. The kids push all boundaries clear off the map, I shout self-pitying cliches to the sky, and we're all a pile of tired, hungry messes by the time John walks through the door.

Tonight was one of those nights. Let's just say John walked in to find me mopping an entire jar of spaghetti sauce off the kitchen floor, complete with glass shards for extra flavor. Awesome.

But three hours later, they're in bed (and 2 out of 3 are actually sleeping...). I sit at my computer, browsing through my photos from today. I am feeling the residual crabbiness from my evening until I come to this:

And this:

And this:

And I remind myself - most of the day is a lot of fun.

The difficult times are really only brief bouts of intensity. They hit hard, but dissipate quickly. So why is it that too often it's those challenging moments that linger as the day's aftertaste? Why do I let a sour bite here and there keep me from savoring the richness of the whole?

I don't really have an answer, other than laziness or exhaustion. But I know that ending my day with the flavor of joy on my tongue is a lot more pleasant than collapsing in a heap of toxic self-pity.

I'm going to make an effort from now on to release the ugly, the tense, the toxic as soon as it dissipates; to seize instead all that was good.

As I neared the end of writing this post, something I recently read sprang to mind. If what I said here resonated with you in any way, I want you all to go read something over at a blog called Mylestones, written by a very cool mama named Joanne. I don't know her personally, but I think if I did, I'd make her be my friend. What she writes in this post hits it clear on the head, and she writes it beautifully. Go read it.