For Better or Worse

Many years ago, my parents offered me these words of wisdom.

Two things every couple should do together before they get married is to paddle a canoe and set up a tent.

The idea was that if a couple could accomplish those two feats without calling off the wedding, they could weather any storm.

As a couple that has logged plenty of hours paddling and camping, these words have popped into my mind throughout the years. I thought of Mom and Dad's admonishment again this week during our three day camping trip at one of our favorite state parks.

Although we have been camping together for years, this was our first time out with all three boys and the virgin outing with our new ginormous tent, which we now need as a Family of Five plus Dog.

Pre-kid, camping and canoeing didn't even come close to marriage-breakers for us. But juggling a kid, a toddler, and an infant while setting up a tent so big and tall that it requires two adults to assemble is another story. Thankfully, our friends were camping with us this time, and we had extra hands to handle the chaos.

Anyway, camping actually went off without a hitch, other than a momentary setback when we realized our new tent had no floor. Hmmmm. But if there is one thing I have learned to do in my chaotic little boy-filled life, its to roll with it. At least we didn't have to worry about sweeping out the tent, right?

Another pleasant surprise was that we had the whole campground to ourselves. We went after Memorial Day, so there was really no one else in sight (or within earshot of our little screamers).

It did rain both nights, and our last day it pretty much drizzled nonstop. So since it was raining and the boys were so grimy and tired by the time we were ready to break down camp that they might have disintegrated if touched by a couple of rain drops, we had them wait in the van. With the doors open. And the music on. (Do you see where this is headed?)

Yeah. So we finally get the van and the trailer loaded up with soggy, wet tents and tarps and sleeping bags. We get the boys buckled in. The dog is loaded up in the back and we are ready to rock.

Except remember that music we had on for the boys so they could hang in there without meltdowns while we finished packing? Yeah, well...um...it may have been a bit much.

Because the battery died. And since our friends had left and we had the whole place to ourselves, there was not a soul around to give us a jumpstart.

And Mom and Dad's words of wisdom rang all spooky and echo-y between my ears.

I knew it was up to me to set the tone for how this was going to be handled. I have learned that my anger or my optimism washes over my family and colors them a shade of my own mood. If I was pissed, my husband would be too. If I got crabby and anxious or worried, so would the kids. But if I could laugh it off and take it in stride, the fam could roll with it.

So the kids and the dog and I sat in the van in the rain, playing games and telling stories and eating snacks while Valiant Husband hiked off through the empty campground in search of another soul and maybe some jumper cables.

Forty-five minutes later, he returned rain-soaked, but victorious. We got the engine running, and the kids zonked out as soon as the van started moving. We headed home, another successful camping trip under our belts.

I think my parents' advice holds true. But one twist I'd like to add: For the adventurous couples out there who wonder if they have what it takes to make a marriage last, round up a few loaner kids and take them camping. See if you truly can make it for better or for worse.


For tales of canoeing as our family therapy, click here and find your way to page 62.