Five Month Mark

Axel is five months old today.

People ask how it is having three kids, and I have to say the adjustment from two to three was actually easier than from one to two, and definitely than from zero to one. I think once you become parents, the biggest transition is done. You've done it. You've gone from taking care of only yourself to getting your world completely rocked by a tiny little helpless tyrant.

Then one kid to two kids, sure you have to learn how to split your time and attention. But you're already a parent.

By the time the third one comes around, you've got it down. There is no worrying that you will break the baby. You're more confident, and I swear this sends the baby the message that "Hey, mister. You're pretty cute but you're not pulling anything over on me." From asking around, these third babies seem to get the memo that they need to be easy-going, laid back babes. And Axel lives up to the hype.

He's dreamy. He really is. And the transition to three kids has been seamless. Seriously, having a third baby felt like the most natural thing in the world. And this baby has brought nothing but love into this house.

Shortly before Axel was born, Owen was pretty unsure about adding a baby to the family. He liked things the way they were. And he was worried.

"Mom, I want to love the new baby. But what if I don't?" (This is my 5 year old talking. If only more adults could articulate their feelings and their fears like this, I think there would be a lot fewer people stuck in shitty relationships.)

I told Owen that it was OK if he didn't love the baby right away, and that I was sure that as he got to know him or her, that he would come to love his little sibling.

On the day Axel was born, Owen was pretty shy around him at first. He didn't want to hold Axel, and he sort of stole curious glances at him from afar. I figured I wouldn't push it. Owen is a sensitive kid and I wanted to give him all the time he needed.

Meanwhile, two year old Eli couldn't keep his smoochy lips and chubby hands off his new baby brother. He loved him instantly. Just like he loves teddy bears and chocolate cake.

We wanted the boys to adjust at their own pace to our new family dynamic. We intentionally decided to keep visitors at bay for a week or two. We all stayed home and took things slowly. The boys were free to wander over from their play to check in on Mom and Baby Brother whenever they felt compelled to do so. There were no relatives passing the baby around, asking "Don't you just love your new baby brother?" There was no chaos. Just our little family in our little home, taking it slowly.

It only took a couple of days for Owen to fall in love. When I was putting him to bed on Axel's third day outside the womb, Owen confessed. "Mom, I love Axel so much. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone." And then, just in case I felt slighted by his preference, "I mean, I still love you guys. I just love Axel the most."

I'm crazy about all my little boys. (And the big one, too, of course.) I am so proud of how smoothly they have accepted our newest member into the family. They love Axel dearly, and his love for them shows in the way his eyes light up and his smile grows and his wiggly arms and legs flail about when his brothers walk into the room.

Watching our boys fall in love has nurtured the love between John and I, too. We see them play, we hear them talk and conspire and fight and apologize, we feel their hugs and kisses. And their love feeds our love for each other.

It has been a beautiful five months. Here's to hoping that it is only a preview of what's to come.